Tuesday
"Mmm whatcha sayyy...doo doo di di doo di doo" Thats supposed to be Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap. Thats what my one coworker sang for the first hour of the day every couple minutes. Only those 2 lines. Well really only the first line since he didn't know the words to the second so he just did the doo doo di doo di. It started with just him. Then one of the girls started doing it too. Then a third person chimed in. Soon everybody in the place was singing it. That song was more contagious than the Plague. It became a never ending chorus of Hide and Seek. And only those 2 facking lines. Over and over again. Even when people weren't singing it, the lyrics haunted my my brain. Hide and Seek for 9 hours. And I didn't even get the chance to use my tracking or concealing skills. HA. See what I did there. Anyway, typical work day. Another person quit bringing the grand total to 3 in 2 weeks. After work, I went for dinner with some peeps. Just a note. Chances are if a restaurant you want to go to is above a Porsche dealership, its probably not gonna be within your budget. 800RMB for abalone? I mean I'm sure abalone is amazing but thats 266.67 bottles of Tsingdao at the convenience store next to my flat. Which one do you think would bring me more happiness?Yeah. Exactly.
Wednesday
Nothing exciting going on at work. Pretty much just looking forward to the St. Patricks Day festivities. And festive it was. It had the elements of a typical St. Paddy's Day. Green clothes. Green beer. Sweet hats advertising for Irish brews. Drunks. It was awesome. Started off at the Bull Dog. A nice little English bar. They were supposed to have 80 RMB all you can drink which is why we went there in the first place. Turns out since it was St. Patrick's, they weren't doing
that today. LAME. So we put up a very mild stink to which the waitress would give us hats if we bought Guiness. Done deal. We get sweet hats AND beer. Thats awesome. After we drank our beers, we started to get a little hungry. So what did we order? Nachos and mashed potatoes. "Wha!?!? Mash potatoes" you may be thinking. Let me say this. Top 5 mashed potatoes I've ever had. No word of a lie. As a matter of fact, I'm chilling here now in my living room with some friends and we're actually talking about how good those mashed potatoes were. If anyone comes to Shanghai, I'll take you there and you'll see for yourself that I'm not crazy. Man I'm hungry right now. Oh and the nachos were okay. I guess. After that we polished off a bottle of Jameson Irish whiskey. That stuff will put hair on your ass. Even my smooth booty grew some fuzz after that stuff. Then we left the Bull Dog to O' Malley's. An actual Irish pub. The place was PACKED. I'm pretty sure every white person in Shanghai was there. Plus a lot of non-white people. Like these
two ladies hailing from the land of tacos and burritos. I don't know if thats racist or not. Would it balance out if I made fun of China. Rice, chopsticks, squatting. We met some interesting people that night. Like this 50+ year old white French dude who says to me "Would you believe me if I told you I was actually Shanghainese?" Yeah dude, I'm sure your parents flew here from France, popped you out and then turn around went back home....in 1950. Thats what I thought, but I just politely played along with his delusions. He was either drunk or insane or both. I think both and cracked out. Sometime after that ridiculous conversation, it was 3a.m. and I went home. Thursday
OMG. I felt like a trash bin. Filled with vomit and used diapers. I was not in a good way. Partly due to the 4 hours of sleep and feeling of food poisoning that I had. But I had to go to work though. It was THE most useless morning possible. I stared at my computer screen until lunch. I also had a bit of head pain so I borrowed some drugs from my coworker. He didn't have any aspirin but he had some other stuff. Only after I took it did he inform me that he bought it from a random Indian guy on the street. Even though thats dodgy as f, it did work miracles. I felt pretty gold after an hour. I did manage to get some work done in the afternoon. Very little work but work none the less. The last hour of the day turned into comedy hour or something. All anyone did was sit around and tell jokes. Highlighted by this gem.
So there are two chocolate bunnies. One with his ears bitten off and one with his ass bitten off. The bunny with his ass bitten off turns to the bunny with his ears bitten off and says, "man, my ass really hurts." The other chocolate bunny, turns to him and says, "...What?". Thats one way to finish the day. Went home after that. Passed out by 9. Had a weird dream about assless rabbits. Jokes.
Friday
Afternoon a terrible performance Thursday, I was the bomb diggity Friday. For those who are unaware, my job requires me to book meetings. And book meetings I did. I managed to come within two of the one day record. And that was by 2p.m. So instead of setting the bar and expectations too high, I decided to just do nothing all afternoon. Ha. I'll break that record in a couple weeks. Stay tuned. After days end, I went with a coworker and others to Sichuan Citizen. Finally some people who can eat spicy with me. That place was amazing good. The bill somehow ended being over 1000 RMB. Well worth it if you ask me. From there, we ended up at a housewarming. I thought I was in France or something since EVERYBODY there was actually French. Even the Chinese people there were French. I did end up meeting a Chinese girl from Sweden though. That was a bit strange. I think I called her a liar. We had a nice little conversation none of which I actually remember. Shortly after that I woke up Saturday morning.
Saturday
So very tired today and did not want to leave my flat but I did make an appointment with my friend to go to Qipu lu market. So of course, being a man of my word I dragged myself out of bed and made the trip. I was really not in the right state of mind to be searching for stuff at the market. That and it seems that wherever we looked, it was only womens clothing and I just could not muster up the courage to search for mens clothes. 2 hours later we started to head home. I dragged myself out of bed, traveled 40 plus minutes, walked around for an hour just to buy milk tea and watch my friend buy socks. Wow. So on my walk home from the metro station to my flat, I decided that since I was already out and it was a nice 21 degree day that I should do something. I figured I should probably finally check out the art district behind my apartment building that I pass everyday on my way to work. And man was it cool.
Who knew there was a whole new world of stuff going on behind my apartment. Its like I found a portal to Narnia. These are only a few pics. I couldn't really put every pic on here since that would be a bit obscene. We have giant Einstein head. It was the first thing I saw. Wish I knew about this Sunday. Would have been quite apropos for Einstein's birthday. Then there was the Mercedes made completely out of bricks, steel and concrete. The interior was even detailed , gear shift, radio and all. Sick. And then there was this little girl. I she was standing there pondering the yellow horse but I caught it just she turned around so consider that picture op missed. Ha. After she turned around though, she walked up to me and stopped 3 feet away. then we had a stare down...for 5 minutes. Literally 5 minutes. I checked the time
stamps on my pictures. She literally just stood there and stared at me. Kind of inquisitively mixed with a sort of "you have something on face" look. I looked over at her mom and she was just sitting, I mean squatting there laughing. As were a group of on lookers. Eventually, she lost interest and walked away. She did stop and take a look back at me. But i guess she was reaffirmed that she was indeed bored with me so she continued on waddling away. This park was pretty huge and surrounding the park were a ton of art galleries, bars, cafes and restaurants. Its a pretty cool place to go for a nice stroll, take in some culture, or on a date. :|. I should probably get on the whole finding a girlfriend thing unless i want to be married when I need false teeth and lose bladder control. Imagine me doing my first dance (of which it will be "Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy) with a pee bag attached to my leg. Ha. Now thats comedy. I think it would actually take that long to find a girl that would actually let me use that song as our wedding song. If I find her tomorrow though, you best believe I'm latching on like a leach and as Third Eye Blind most appropriately sang, "I'll never let you go, I'll never let you go".
There you have it ladies and gents. A not-so quick recap on the past week of my life. It was really not that interesting, and I'm sorry if you read this entire thing for I have most surely robbed you of 10 minutes of your life. And you will never get it back. As they are now mine. Boom. Tune in next time to see how this CBC continues to fare in Democratic China.
"Mmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?"
- Imogen Heap
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