First Day of Work

First day down in the pursuit of happiness. It went off without a hitch for the most part. There was a 10 minute span this morning that I thought for sure I was going to be late but as luck would have it, I made it with a few minutes to spare. Not a complete fail if the goal was to show up on time. Too bad showing up on time if for slackers and clowns dwelling in mediocrity. So with that thought in mind the night before, I set out to organize my plan of attack. 8:50 start time. Time travel back 60 minutes for transportation. Just to be on the safe side. Another 15 to for the 4 S’. Sh*t, Shower, Shave, and SUIT UP. Lucky for me I had my bowel cleansing the night before, I’m a night showerer (not a word), not morning, and I’ve been blessed/cursed with the inability to grow general body hair let alone facial hair, so morning shaving would be useless like a housewife’s college degree. Zing. Just jokes housewives, you know I love you…if that’s alright with your husbands. Back on topic, so lets see here. 4 s’ – 3 s’ leaves me with 1s. Check your math

4s – 3s = 1s

4s – 3s +3s = 1s + 3s

4s = 4s ü

I can attribute that to 13 years of mathematical academia, especially that special ‘advanced’ grade 2 math class that I was forced into. So, flawless arithmetic dictated that I had 15 minutes to BUSINESS SUIT UP. Go back another 15 to conjure breakfast and consume said breakfast and we have a time of 7:20. Foolish me, last night I felt pretty ambitious and thought a light run in the morning might do the body good. So 7 a.m. it is. Alarm set and ready to go….

7:00 a.m. Ipod alarm goes off. “Wow ..its 7 already,” I mull in a morning stupor. “Probably shouldn’t have watched that last episode of Entourage till 1:30. Whoops! Let’s just lay here for a bit.” Hit SNOOZE.

7:06 a.m. Alarm 2 of 4 goes off. Cell phone this time. Previous night paranoia of electronic malfunctions causing me to over sleep resulted in me setting 4 alarms. Continue laying there. I am mildly pleased with myself as this is way better than running. SNOOZE.

7:09 a.m. Ipod alarm again. Shut it off this time. Continue to mimic a corpse.

7:11 a.m. Phone alarm again. Phone time and Ipod time are not in sync resulting in alarms going off at strange times.

7:14 a.m . Another alarm. Erratic alarms are annoying. Shut off all alarms and past snooze’. GET MY ASS UP.

7:14 and 48 seconds a.m. Move to couch in living room. Sit down. Further evidence that I’m not a morning person.

7:26 a.m. Cook up some breakfast. Waiting for noodles to cook, I start skyping.

7:28 a.m. Eat quickly while typing poorly.

7:35 a.m. Just on schedule. Brush teeth. Make hair. Grab neatly pressed and layed out clothes from night before. Discover that one dress shoe is missing. Cursing flows through my mind while I search.

7:50 a.m. Find shoe, now behind schedule.

7:55 a.m. Leave apartment. Walk 100 ish meters. Don’t recall if stove was turned off. Decide a gas stove explosion would suck and that I would like to have an apartment to return to at the end of the day. Stop to ponder if I turned off stove.

7: 57 a.m. Back at apartment checking stove. Quel surprise. Its off. Back out. Walk 200 meters this time. “Mother f. Did I close my apartment door?” I wonder as I through my head back in annoyance and let out an aggravated groan.

8:05 a.m. Second surprise of the day. Door is closed..

8:06 a.m. Continue hating mornings as I engage in half speedwalk half gallop.

8:12 a.m. Make it to the metro. Control is out of my hands now. Lets hope the metro is running smoothly

8:22 a.m. Make it to transfer stop Get out and continue speedwalk-gallop. Make it to next train Have a laugh as train is literally busting at the seams and a gentleman is trying to squish into train using a technique reminiscent of a dry hump. He dry humps many people including another man who exhibits an unabashed stare. I stop laughing as I realize I have to wait for next train as I am unwilling to dry hump my way into a train car already filled to overcapacity. Encounter first cultural experience of an overpopulated Chinese city using public transit during rush hour.

8:27 a.m. Next train arrives. Also packed. Do my best rendition of human tetris as I contort my body in between the other human bodies.

8:40 a.m. Arrive at desired stop.10 minutes to do a 7 minute walk. 3 minutes early is lame. Employ speedwalk-gallop once more.

8:45 a.m. Hazaa. 5 minutes early. Celebrate moderate success. Tomorrow will be better.

First day at work was your typical recipe for any first day. 2 parts Orientation mixed in with 7 parts technical difficulties. A dash of complementary lunch. A pinch of confusion. Stir in 7 cups of green tea. Top that all off with a layer of training. Let sit for hours and there you have it, a moist, fluffy first day. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings…..

“The most powerful force in the universe is compound interest”

- Albert Einstein